BYU football: Power ranking the Cougars’ opponents based on mascots
Statistics and matchups are great and all. But let’s get down to science here. A power ranking of BYU football’s opponents based on mascots.
BYU football’s schedule this season is a top heavy one. LSU, Utah, Wisconsin, Boise State and Mississippi State all clash with the Cougars in the first half.
It means that BYU football will have to come out strong to make a splash.
We’ve talked about fall camp, positional breakdowns, incoming talent… all of the normal things that a college football offseason (and BYU football offseason) brings.
We’ve ranked which games are most important, and which will be the toughest.
But we haven’t done the most scientifically accurate* and arguably the most significant** ranking yet.
*not at all scientifically accurate **hardly important at all
So let’s do it now. These are BYU football’s opponents, ranked from worst to best, in terms of mascots. But this isn’t just mascots in terms of likability, this ranking is based on the following premise:
You’re dropped on the opposite end of a football field, and you have to survive for 25 minutes.
The Bottom Tier
Aggies (Utah State)
An aggie is a nickname for an agricultural school. I don’t feel threatened.
Bulldogs (Fresno State and Mississippi State)
This would be an enjoyable 25 minutes. That’s for sure. Look, bulldogs, while built like 50-pound tanks, were bred to be lazy house dogs. It would probably be 10 minutes of playing followed by a 15 minute nap. Sign me up.
Broncos (Boise State)
A horse is a horse, of course, of course. I suppose you run the risk of being trampled, but keeping 100 yards of distance means that you’re more than likely to avoid trouble. If you feel frisky, you could always approach and try to tame him, Black Stallion style.
Badgers (Wisconsin)
If this were a honey badger, game over. That thing kills for fun. But, Wisconsin’s badger is an American Badger. So besides looking adorable, it isn’t the vicious killer the honey badger is. Still, it has claws and sharp teeth. But I’m pretty sure if you were really scared you could climb and sit on the goal post.