BYU football: Power ranking the Cougars’ opponents based on mascots

The Middle Tier

Minutemen (UMass)

Look, I’m as patriotic as the next guy. I’m from New England, too – which means we learn about the minutemen like they were the 1700’s version of Seal Team Six. That’s not really how it was though. Besides being lightly-trained citizen soldiers, the minutemen used muskets – the least-effective gun in the history of guns. There’s a zero percent chance they’d hit you from 100 yards away, then they’d have to take minutes to reload the thing.

Pirates (East Carolina)

Ever since Pirates of the Caribbean came out, we’ve romanticized pirates. Sure, they were nasty, but I don’t necessarily think they’d kill you instantly. Running across a field to get you doesn’t seem like something they’d be interested in. Avoiding the blunderbuss could be problematic though.

Rebels (UNLV)

In UNLV’s case, the rebel is Hey Reb. He’s awesome looking, but it is very clear he’s an old man. Not to mention, a rebel isn’t the most specific name. What kind of rebel is he? Apparently one that embodies the rebellious spirit at UNLV sporting events. Okay, that can get kind of rowdy… so maybe he’s got a mean streak after all.

Utes (Utah)

The Ute tribe specialized in horse-back combat. Also, according to Wikipedia, the Ute warriors used all kinds of weapons, including, but not limited to: bows, lances, tomahawks, spears, and any sort of gun that they obtained through their raids. Yeah, I’m good.