Everybody says that filling out a perfect NCAA Tournament bracket is impossible. Everybody is right -- it is impossible -- and the evidence has already been layed out as zero perfect brackets remain through two rounds.
Yes, that unfortunately includes my bracket, which was admittedly too upset-heavy to be reliable. But I'd rather die with a smile than live in boredom, right? Upsets did happen, and I'm incredibly proud to announce that I predicted High Point's victory over Wisconsin (shoutout to the reincarnation of Jimmer Fredette in purple), VCU's upset against UNC, and went 11 for 16 overall in my original Sweet 16 predictions.
Unwilling to simply lay down and die, I have returned to make things right. I have done the math, I've consulted my guru, chewed on some foreign herbs, and balanced my chi adequately to say with complete confidence that from this point forward, I can accurately project every result of the NCAA Tournament.
This article is going to age horribly. Let us begin.
Predicting every Sweet 16 matchup in the NCAA Tournament
1 Duke vs 5 St John's
If you picked Duke as your national champion, you've likely ruined a pair of perfectly good t-shirts with a nail-biter against 16-seed Sienna and a TCU contest that felt incredibly tight until it broke open in the second-half. No, Duke, reaching the promised land will not be easy. That said, St John's simply doesn't have the offensive punch to penetrate Duke's all-around excellence. The buzzer-beater against Kansas was sick, Johnnies, but your postseason ends here.
Pick: Blue Devils
2 UConn vs 3 Michigan State
Dan Hurley claimed the battle of the crazed maniacs in a coaching duel with UCLA's Mick Cronin. That's a high that no man could come down from, least of all Dan Hurley. An absolute basketball psycho, Hurley's Huskies handled business against the Bruins, and not even Tom Izzo and the crotch-kicking Spartans could double them over.
Pick: Huskies
9 Iowa vs 4 Nebraska
A true toss-up between March expert Bennett Stirtz, fresh off a Hawkeye upset over 1-seed Florida, and the unbeatable vibes of Nebrasketball. These Big Ten peers are proven commodities in March, and 1-1 in head-to-head games this season. In a game that could truly go either way, give me the Huskers in a bloody, vicious battle.
Pick: Nebrasketball
2 Houston vs 3 Illinois
Do not insult the Houston Cougars by selecting the Illini here. Houston won in the first two rounds by 31 points -- both times, yes -- and approaches an Illinois team that has enjoyed a gentle stroll past 14 Penn and 11 VCU to the round of 16.
Pick: Coogs by 31
1 Arizona vs 4 Arkansas
Utah State hit the Wildcats and hit them hard, while Arkansas has had a very comfortable path to the Sweet 16. Is Arizona more tired? Probably. Is Acuff a cerified star? Definitely. But let's not get distracted by the fact that Arizona is the best team in the nation, and should be the favorite all the way to the national championship.
Pick: Zona
2 Purdue vs 11 Texas
As much as I'd love to see the team that took down BYU reach the quarterfinal round, there's too much steam in Purdue's Boiler to pick against the roaring train flying down the track. Big Ten champs advance.
Pick: Purdue
1 Michigan vs 4 Alabama
Michigan showed no mercy against 9-seed St Louis. Alabama showed even less mercy against 5-seed Texas Tech. For some reason, I simply don't trust Michigan to escape their region this year. It may as well be the rolling Crimson Tide to take them down.
Pick: Bama
2 Iowa State vs 6 Tennessee
I mourn the untimely demise of the Virginia Cavaliers, my sleeper pick to reach the Final Four, because I refuse to pick exclusively 1 and 2 seeds. So am I picking for the 2-seed Cyclones that just humiliated Mark Pope's Kentucky Wildcats, or am I picking against the Tennessee team that crushed my dreams? Either way, TJ Otzelberger and company advance.