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Horti-Cougars: BYU is the landscaping national champion

BYU's dynasty is beginning to blossom!

By Calvin Barrett

These daffodils were never planted by a BYU landscaper, but no one reads photo descriptions anyway, so it's not like anyone will find out
These daffodils were never planted by a BYU landscaper, but no one reads photo descriptions anyway, so it's not like anyone will find out / Thierry Monasse/GettyImages
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BYU plays dirty--we all know this--and on Thursday, the Cougars won the playing "dirt-y" championship. They buried their opponents behind beautiful displays and truly rose to the occasion. This win marks BYU's fifth championship in the last six years, leafing no doubt that the Cougars' run will be firmly planted in the lore of the landscaping world.

Analysts suggest that BYU's athletic excellence may be cross-pollinating across their many athletic programs, which may help explain the basketball team's sudden blossoming this past season. The values behind this institution have firmly rooted BYU landscaping as the gardener of the sport, and we may never see their dominance wilt.

Much like the gardeners of the old west, the Cougars knew the right moment to fire their pistils; they saved their best for the finale. This team has no weak spot for other universities to weed out, and their dominant bouquet of landscaping prowess would have been turf to beat by the brightest bulbs within the world's greatest landscaping minds.

Wins like these can fertilize a program's recruiting grounds, planting the seeds of future success for years to come. Listen, bud, if you have borne witness to the Cougars' horticulture of success and wish to join in the succulent feeling of victory, where would you rather plant yourself for the greatest chance to bloom?

BYU's faculty coach, Greg Jolley, really digs BYU's resilience after facing such pestilence the previous year. Of the win, he said: "We lost last year by 11 points... 11 points! So the team was motivated to win it this year. This was the most dominant performance ever by a BYU team."

Last year's defeat had been a thorn in BYU's side, and supposedly caused the Cougars to regroup and arrange themselves for a win this year. Instead of moping and allowing their program to wither, his team applied aloe vera to their wounds and set their sights on soil. Using that loss to motivate them, BYU landscaping petaled through a treacherous path to reach the competition's garden of Eden--landscaping nirvana.

BYU's Mulch Madness victory can help ease the cutting pain of their March Madness defeat. It's hard to herbalize my feelings about this championship victory, but it's safe to say now that the Cougars are springing into a new era--they're only beginning to grow.

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