Welcome to Memoirs from the Mount, an adventure through the twisting catacombs of my ever-decaying stream of consciousness. From the solitary peak of Mount Fuji to the cascading slopes of Mount Timpanogos, I'm sending a telegram of my perspective on current events surrounding BYU athletics.
Do you want to exercise a demon? What a pain, demons. What a bother! An otherwise peaceful and unoffensive existence can be marred and harrowed by the mere suggestion that something beyond our control is influencing our world. Truthfully, the idea of a supernatural force haunting your space can be psychologically damaging -- crippling, in many cases -- as it stands between an individual and their objectives.
So let's get to work and expel whatever obnoxious servant of the unknown is plaguing our lives!
Sports fandom has been more famine than feast in my case, having never witnessed any of my collegiate or professional affiliations lift a championship trophy in the biggest moment, as the highest stage, before the undeniable approval of the world. Growing up in Utah may be my fatal error in this case, I suppose, but what can you do, cheer for the Lakers? No way. Yankees? Give me a break. Utes? Don't make me laugh -- they've never won anything, either. That's what we call a negative lateral move.
I mention this to bring to light my innate anxiety that arises every time I start to believe that one of my allegiances may be a legitimate contender for the title. Every time I open myself up to high expectations, I've been beaten back down into submission. Don't believe me? Take a gander at the past five years, which saw two of my teams squander an open window as they instead opted to attempt a leap through the adjacent foot-thick brick wall.
The Utah Jazz imploded after seeming like the best team in basketball back in 2020, carrying the best regular-season record in the sport before Terrance Mann, of all people, drove the stake through Utah's heart. That same year, the BYU football team seemed poised to stand on the shoulders of a remarkably easy schedule and infiltrate the College Football Playoff before hastily scheduling a same-week road battle with Coastal Carolina. You know how that story goes. Just recently, my beloved Seattle Mariners nearly broke through and reached the World Series for the first time in team history before choking away a 2-0 lead and losing to the Toronto Blue Jays in seven games in the ALCS. The M's are still the only franchise to never earn a pennant.
But most applicable of all, last season's BYU football team was a comet slinging through orbit. At the speed of a bullet, these Cougars opened the year with a 9-0 record, the 6th ranking in the CFP poll, a veteran quarterback and a stout defensive front, the top spot in the Big 12 Conference, and a firm grasp of my blue-soaked heart. A home loss to a losing-record Kansas program jostled the Cougars from their perch. A subsequent road loss to Arizona State sealed their fate -- not even a non-conference win over SMU could nudge BYU into the 12-team bracket.
The 5 Stages of Belief take hold of me every. Single. Time. And I at the point of reckoning, I'm struggling to keep a smile in my eyes as a shadow creeps over my person.
The 5 Stages of Belief
1. Surprise: 'Wow, that was actually impressive! This could be a fun year.'
2. Expectation: 'They keep winning. I think this team may actually be good!'
3. Delight: 'I never want this to end!'
4. Delusion: 'We want Bama!'
5. Despair: 'I can't believe I fall for it every year.'
Like clockwork, I could mark the moments on my calendar when I pass through each phase and still fall victim to my own conviction.
So yes, please excuse me if this year's 8-0 start and 7th ranking in the first CFP poll trigger memories of a painful past; last year's shortcomings have left a wound that still hasn't fully healed. I'm haunted by the demons of disappointment, the knowledge that BYU football has been a let-down factory year after year, and my sinking stomach every time the Cougars kick off.
Suddenly, the Cougars stand face-to-face with their own destiny. Sure, wins over Utah and Iowa State have been affirming for many skeptics of Kalani Sitake's program, but they're staring down a giant and the Big 12 favorite with Texas Tech standing directly opposite themselves, and the entire nation is zeroing in on the Big 12 Conference this weekend. College Gameday will be in Lubbock this weekend. An ABC-televised, top-10 battle between two heavyweights. Even Josh Pate is hopping off the P2 Express to take a peek at what's going on in Big 12 country.
And despite BYU's superior record and ranking, the Cougars march into hostile territory as double-digit underdogs. It's not the first time that BYU has been underrated by the oddsmakers, and it won't be the last. Let us not forget that the Utes were favored by nearly a touchdown when they drove down to Provo, nor should we ignore that the 2-loss Iowa State Cyclones (now four-loss... ouch) were favored by a field goal when the unbeaten Cougars marched into Ames.
So forgive me if I don't give much ear to the betting lines in this one. As is customary, these teams will face off on grass, not on Microsoft Excel. And on grass, BYU has yet to fall this year.
They square their shoulder pads to a immense challenge: a road win against arguably the best team in the entire Big 12 Conference. This battle isn't necessarily a must-win affair -- to that point, this is BYU's most favorable game to lose, and has been all season. Their file won't be tossed into the shredder at CFP HQ if they stumble in Tech territory, and if they can win out and retain a 11-1 record, the current layout of the committee's rankings suggest that the Big 12 is more of a two-bid bunch than a one-and-done. After all, a two-loss Utah sits at 13, a team whose only shortcomings are to these opposing sides of this weekend's premier matchup.
But as favorable as this all sounds, the pressure still rests firmly on the shoulders of the BYU Cougars. This team has every opportunity to reach the final 12-team bracket with the start they've enjoyed. On the field, they seem plenty capable of shedding last season's disappointment for a fresh identity. But in my heart, I'm still tormented by the worst-case scenario. Is everything screwed in tight? Will the foundation hold for the next four games of the schedule, regardless of the punishment it receives? Can a freshman quarterback, even one as spectacular as Bear Bachmeier has been, actually lead his team to the grandest platform in the sport?
In the eyes of destiny, is BYU a team foreordained to compete among juggernauts like Georgia, Ohio State, Alabama, or Notre Dame? Or are the Cougars just a ticking time bomb with a premature -- and rapidly approaching -- detonation date?
Nobody seems capable of identifying BYU football these last two seasons. They've been magical, and believe me when I say that my enjoyment of winning absolutely overshadows my trepidation over falling short. But at a certain point, everyone has to take a moment of reflection to sincerely ponder what they're witnessing, and how they choose to view the history unfolding in their vicinity.
I've been hurt before, yet I'll never be able to quit BYU football. So I say go take down the Red Raiders this Saturday. Prove the nation wrong. Reach the postseason and compete for a national championship while you're at it. This year's team is the master of its own destiny, and the only ones powerful enough to rupture the chains of the Stages of Belief. For my sake, Cougars, this is your year. Rid yourselves of your haunters and claim your prize.
I'd really appreciate it.
Calvin Barrett is a writer, editor, and prolific Mario Kart racer located in Tokyo, Japan. He has covered the NBA and College Sports since 2024.